Another Shiva

I have spent part of this week pulling information on LaShon Ha Ra and of course thinking about it. All the commentary of the world seems to bubble up inside of me and needs an outlet. So the best I can hope for is that when I consider what I say as a choice, I will sometimes choose not to share, and there by share less or more selectively, picking the people for whom the information has some meaning or perhaps has no meaning, and will ignore it as if I had stood in an empty room just to clear my system.

I carved out a few hours today to help set up the post-funeral luncheon at a house up the road. Getting the drill down, but it is sad regardless when you put out all this food and only a hand full of people come. Someone's mother, much loved, long lived, but transplanted to her son's community to live out her last few years and never learned the language or made connection and the son himself, a sort of non-entity except for co-workers and close friends, in the end the bagels will get repacked, the salads put away, the house will be empty for a few hours until the evening minyan comes. I kind of get why my parents don't have any desire to go this route, they are content with their circle of friends, no desire to a ceremony of any sort. There will be no funeral or lunch afterwards, although I can imagine a stop at Chinese place that day or the next when we can all say we remember when.

What is important whether you are big in the community or not is ultimately how you live your life, and the desire to pull away that I sometimes feel, to not be obligated, to not make connections this quiet separation is fine when you are young but seems to leave you hanging as you get older and is most apparent upon dying.

I am glad I went, and hope that my being there to set-up brought the family some comfort.

I am grateful for my loving and devoted husband
I am grateful for my beautiful and loving children
I am grateful to enjoy the company of my parents at this time of our lives
I am grateful to be professionally engaged
I am grateful to have food on the table and a roof on my head.