I read a news blurb this week about a scientific study that correlated positive, gratitude type thoughts with superior brain functioning. So whenever I have found my head getting fuzzy this week, I have taken a few seconds to appreciate all that is good and wonderful around me. This isn't hard to do considering the spectacular view of the mountains I have from my office, the loving family that is there for me, making it possible to sit in this chair in this location and of course, often when running around town, I feel fortunate to live in this place with so many great people. Despite ups and downs with work and volunteering activities, the temple having major angst, even down times create opportunities to meet new people and get beyond barriers, and it is these connections, this processing of vast universe of life experiences and imperfection that I am surrounded by, that helps put it all in context. I am very, very lucky and grateful for the basic abilities to walk in a store and buy the groceries we need, to have a gardener to mow the lawn on a 100 degree day like today, and to be able to afford the luxury of air conditioning to insulate me from that heat.
Even if my mitzvah practice is not quite so conscious at this time, I am changed enough to see myself making connections I wouldn't have made before, agreeing to do things I would never have signed up for. Today I had lunch with a fellow volunteer that is sharing a job with me, because I have learned that the most efficient method of getting things done is not always the most effective. Taking time to listen and learn and work collaboratively is what is truly exciting to me. There were some good ideas, and best yet, things I hadn't thought of, that came from a give and take and true problem solving discussion. If all volunteering was like that I wouldn't be looking to scale back, but then perhaps it is a matter of modifying my perceptions and expectations.
One thing writing small checks for various organizations has done for me (besides increasing the amount of mail and solicitation phone calls we get), it has helped me let go of small amounts of spending, whether it be parking, or lunch or signing up for something to help an organization, I can spare $20 here and there and can stop obsessing about it. If $20 is what is holding me back from a feeling of peace and fulfillment, it is time to get over that right now. My kids are way ahead of me on this, but then they are raised a little differently. They seem to be ok to pay for mistakes, to have money be wasted occasionally because it happens. Add it in to the cost of living, just like a business does for the cost of doing business.
My grandmother used to say no crying over spilt milk, and I found that so amazing, since in my house, we were likely to be yelled at spanked for spilling milk, food whatever, getting ink on a shirt. Who cares? wipe it off and move on. So perhaps in that vein wrote the temple checks, and will donate for my high holiday honor and understand that it is not a zero sum game. We give because we can, not because it is always earned or needed or managed properly, but because being able to give is a miracle of sorts and for that I am very, very grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment