9/30/2011 Post Rosh

Rosh Hashonah was an opportunity to read, absorb and integrate mitzvot into the very essence of who I am or at least who I could be. There were so many prayers that touch on this topic and how to live a good life, a life in unison with God. The Rabbi mentioned in his sermon that it is a mitzvot to reach out to others, to connect and so I took every opportunity to do so, put aside my instinctive reservations and awkwardness to say l"Shanah tovah to strangers or folks I had just met to all the people I do know regardless of how well I know them. I kissed everybody or at least as much as I could and had so many deep, hugs, received that warmth and gift from others in turn. I was honored with an ark opening during a meaningful Aleynu, where you can get down and bow on you knees, something I wasn't ready to do standing on the bimah in my dress and high heels. Still I felt something, to be there at this moment of deep devotion, and I was shaking just a bit. But let's not think that I am transformed, still a bit snappy back at the house as we made a quick change and grabbed our contributions for a pot-luck event, but then took a deep breath and took my time with everyone, felt comfortable in my own skin, an amazing feeling, got more hugs and love and we were one of the last couples there. There were a few other minor miracles but will keep those to myself. In the late afternoon, with stuffed stomachs and a hot sun, we took a hike into the canyon, moving slow. I suggested a small detour to the creekside, where we silently named our burdens of the past year and for each one threw a rock into the river. Scott, not being very open to this new agey type thing resisted at first but then when I asked if he couldn't think of one more thing he liked to get rid of he did indeed find a rock and throw it in, and sense of release was amazing. Last year was a tough year, and there is still plenty of hurdles in our way, but for a brief, sweet moment, we were free from that, with the sun at our backs and a nice breeze as we made our way home.