Too Much Going On

I don't get around to posting for a week and what happens, just tons of stuff and it it tough to figure out what to talk about. I am walking a fine line these days between talking about mitzvot and actually doing them. By not writing every day I have lost some of the connection. In the past few weeks I attended a Women's League Leadership Institute which provided insights not just on the importance of being an active volunteer as part of Sisterhood but also forced me to take a hard look at how my personality may not always be the most enthusiastic or embracing, and how can I soften that. I have gone to the funeral of an acquaintance and the lunch afterwards and the shiva the next day. I hard boiled and peeled 3 dozen eggs for the lunch and missed most of a day of work (work I didn't really have), and tennis for sure to be there and still had to remind myself that being there is a mitzvah, even if I wasn't really that close or the closest, or crying the most. It is my own weirdness which I share with my daughter, that our natural tendency is to be competitive about strange things, like who is the best mourner. Of course we don't really think of it that way, but we look around a room of red-eyed folks blowing noses and feel like we aren't keeping up. Of course this is where the mitzvah is grounding, it is a reminder that it is not about us, that we are their for the grieving family and that is the only consideration.
Then I helped out at a concert the Cantor gave, donated strawberries and just tried to be useful. The gist of it is taking stuff that used to be annoying and turning it into an opportunity to add positive energy to a situation, and for me the mitzvah is a guide. I ended up having a long talk with the Rabbi about it, and suggested a mitzvah class, and now we are meeting, so it could really happen. Of course, then I get way ahead of things and start dreaming about writing a book about 12 commandments to live by that will change your outlook, and it is that moment, when I try to make something out of it, that it ceases to work. I am too busy to look at the requests for money or am too busy feeling proud of myself to be doing. I also went to my first programs meeting of Young and Healthy, and also agreed to make calls to find speaking engagements for the director for local groups. This is not my favorite kind of job, but am finding that I am learning about all these groups that do wonderful things, and may open more volunteer opportunities and can find activities that align with my values.
So all in all, alot going on. I still have to get my LaShon HaRa talk together, finish the call for Young and Healthy (which hangs over me like an obligation, so got to work on that), perhaps spend some time working on new mitzvot such as the sanctification on ones own body and home, as well as figuring out what I can learn to be a better mother to a daughter who needs more guidance and support that I often feel I have in me to give.

Five things I am grateful for:
I am grateful that my children are engaged with the world, smart beautiful human beings
I am grateful to have a loving and supportive husband
I am grateful to have had work, and the potential of more work
I am grateful to be honored by my community as Woman of the Year
I am grateful for the beautiful mountains behind my house.