Happy Halloween

Here is it is finally, the night of costumed children and adults parading in the streets. And having made my peace with it, bought the candy, wore a costume of sorts to Zumba class, I still found myself not happy to see the large signboard at the dry cleaners advertising the free haunted house on my block. So is there a way to come out of tonight feeling good about the experience? I do know that my house looks dark and perhaps uninviting compared to the other attractions on the block, so it may just be me and a giant tub of candy for the night. If we consider giving out candy in the broad sense as either an act of neighborliness or an act of charity, in either case I lose nothing by giving candy, as a neighbor it is akin to breaking bread or sharing food, and as charity, according to the Torah, you will never become poor from giving charity, and no harm will befall you because of it. Sort of like the never ending pasta bowl...the more you give, the more you have? I get this on a motivational, faith level but is it really true? I've had a hard time not considering the money I give to charity as money I might need one day. And the idea of giving 10% of our income, well when you add it all up we might be at 5%, and it would be emotionally akin to bungee jumping for me to go any higher. I'm sticking with small acts for a long time before I will feel ready for bigger gestures.

Which raises another tough question, my husband offered a small loan to his sister as she needed to get something for a job. According to the commentary, charity should be considered a loan, somehow the universe will return what you give away. So in that way he can make a loan, and let go of whether it ever gets paid back in a direct fashion. Or maybe he should just call it an early Hanuakah present and move on. Most everybody is doing the best they can these days, many folks have taken a hit of one sort or another. The best I can do is smile, be patient, and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I guess that is the philosophy for Halloween night, whether the trick or treater be too little to talk or over 6 feet tall, make my smile my mask and enjoy whatever comes to the door.

Tiny Threads Weaving

Today is a day where the efforts of prior days seemed to come together for positive outcomes. On the tennis courts practicing as a team paid off, but more importantly when I started to fall into a hole of frustration and anger, I changed course and took a positive point of view and then just did the best I could. I thought consciously about La Shon HaRa in terms of what was silent, because even if you don't say it out loud, thinking it can take you to a negative place. Of course I noticed one of our opponents botoxed lips, but I didn't comment to my partner and I put that thought aside, and told myself perhaps there was another explanation for her inability to speak and her extra plump lips. So I'm sharing it now, because it will be a long time before I will stop noticing these things, but as long as I don't say or share it in a way that could hurt or embarrass her then I think it's okay. And as previously discussed, since no one reads this, then it is as if I am just yelling in an empty tunnel.
I got a call back from the recent widower, she was so appreciative of my call. She has her daughter coming in this weekend, but we both agreed that when she is back on her own, I am around to provide some company and conversation, to help fill the emptiness of her house for a short hour or so now and then.
I attended a professional association meeting and when they asked for volunteers, I volunteered, and gladly and not with an eye to where is the payout for me, but because I know that being involved is the path, to know more people and to bring more value to more people. It was the first time the organizer of this meeting seemed to respond to me in a positive way, and even gave me a hug. And a fortuitous event was that a scientist I had been talking to (and who has been avoiding me I think) was there, and we had a nice chat, but it seems unlikely they are going to hire me or sign me up as a founder. But that is okay, and I offered my time to review their business plan, because as along as I have time, to be productive in this way is so great. I could have the best career ever of consulting, advising and mentoring if there weren't bills to pay, but I feel at least that I am closer to my authentic self (knowing how stupid that sounds) these days.

Finally, I broke down and bought a huge stash of Halloween candy. There is no mitzah for giving children cavities but love your neighbor likely includes being warm and friendly to the hordes of costumed children and adults that will descend on our neighborhood on Monday night. I could pray for rain but at least it is a school night.

Each and every day I look for ways I can help others, add value, be a friend and a compassionate caring parent and in this way I am growing.